Aren’t women wonderful? Most of us are ordinary women doing extraordinary things day in and day out. We struggle with our dreams and our realities. I have some questions I think really go to the core of our lives.

Why are business & professional women so often stressed and exhausted? Do you struggle with issues relating to money? Do some of your relationships interfere with your ambitions? Have you heard voices from your past, or around you, telling you what you should and shouldn’t do? Do you believe you can’t have it all? How can you recognize and overcome your own obstacles to success? Obstacles I call MindBlocks and the RoadBlocks?

I’ve often thought about Freud’s question he asked in the early part of twentieth century “what do women really want?” I’m convinced the first problem with his question is he asked other men. He should have asked women If Freud was here today, I would propose he ask: what can we do to help make women’s lives, especially business and professional women, easier, more balanced and less stressful?

What are working women to do? We are certainly determined to move ahead in order to fulfill our ambitions and many women are living up to a standard that is an inspiration, a motivation, and promise for other women.

However, many women while taking on exciting new roles and opportunities are still dealing with traditional responsibilities. Women have seriously and with great determination begun to say the rules of the game have changed We have come to expect and even demand more help from our families, partners and people we work with. We simply can’t do it all alone. Believe me on this…you absolutely cannot do it all alone. You need help, support, networking, role models and mentors.

That was not so easy years ago. When I opened my first business, only four percent of all small businesses were owned by women as compared to over 50% in many cities today. There were no networking or business organizations and there were few if any role models or mentors. In fact, I once decided my role models were Eleanor Roosevelt, Golda Mier, Susan B. Anthony, and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. They were smart, successful and it didn’t matter that they weren’t beautiful

Over the years many of the women I met or consulted with commented I was like a business therapist. I realized, as they did, that what I was doing with them was similar to what any good therapist did. I listened. I paid attention to who they were. I asked them questions, a sort of Socratic type of questioning, that often would take us to the heart of the matter and brought them to answers they really already knew.

I realized these business and professional women wanted to talk about their secrets and their truths. The issues they started out wanting to talk about were what I call the symptoms It’s something like, your heart may be beating fast, but what is the real problem? You could be stressed or drinking too much caffeine or it could be something more serious. The same is true of the symptoms experienced that interfere with your success.

I began to ask them, “what’s really going on here? What is this really about?” During the course of hundreds of conversations with business and professional women I discovered common themes linking their problems and concerns.

We talked about their RoadBlocks and MindBlocks? We talked about their secrets and hidden truths? We talked about how to move beyond their stumbling blocks such as money, exhaustion, loneliness, sexism, fears, guilt, frustrations as well as relationships. We talked about what was required for them to stir their soul to find its truths.

I would tell them, “you may not say how you really feel aloud. You may not even say it clearly to yourself. You do say it by your actions, by your deeds, by your words, by your body language, by your attitudes. You say it by your holding back, by faking it, lying to yourself and others. And you say it by giving away your power and by keeping your secrets. I know it is.

So, what are the RoadBlocks and MindBlocks?

The RoadBlocks are the external obstacles such as access to capital, preparing a marketing or business plan or an action plan, inadequate work space, difficult people, a need for special training or equipment, people who don’t support your efforts or who attempt to undermine them.

The MindBlocks are the internal issues such as fear, guilt and the real reasons behind issues such as loneliness, negative thinking even being unprepared for a crisis. The MindBlocks have even been known to tell you you’re not enough or not worthy or not allowed to have it all. They tell you, you better not do, or say, certain things or everyone won’t love you.

And of course there are the messages many women received as young girls. The expectations of us as we became women, as dictated from generation to generation and relived in each family-have had a huge impact on who we are, how we react and respond as well as our decision-making process. Indeed how are you to move beyond them? Now, how do you identify your symptoms How do you discover the secrets behind your symptoms Which of the following business therapy issues do you relate to most?

What is your relationship with money? Is money a problem for you? Do you have difficulty determining what fees to charge or collecting money? Is it difficult for you to negotiate a raise? Are you uncomfortable with building wealth?

Some Solutions

Examine your relationship with money. Get good advice and good help, make getting paid a priority. Learn negotiating skills. Know that money is not the root of all evil. It an do a lot of good, for you, for the people in your life and causes you care about. When you build your wealth, whatever that is for you, you also build security and protection for yourself and loved ones.

EXHAUSTED AND OVERWHELMED

Do you think you need to do everything yourself? Do you have a second job when you get home? Does everyone else’s needs overshadow yours? Do you not have enough support in your life? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed and ready to go over the edge?

Some Solutions

Negotiate and compromise with people in your life around sharing time and responsibility. Fix or eliminate overly draining relationships. Negotiate with yourself to take time for you. Take vacation moments and then more.

RELATIONSHIPS

Do you try to please everyone? Do you get upset when a client or customer or boss complains? Do you believe you have to say yes to just about everyone in order to stay connected to relationships? Are you concerned you will be abandoned or alone if you say no?

Some solutions

Create relationships that are built on mutual respect and that offer you support and understanding of your ambitions and your circumstances. Expect to be taken seriously. Get rid of melodramatic people in your life. They can drive you nuts

SEXISM

Are you uncomfortable dealing with men in business? Do some men make you feel dismissed or diminished? Do you think it’s still a man’s world? Do you believe men don’t like women in their lives to move beyond them? True Sexism is alive and well And, there are good, talented men supportive of good, talented women.

Some Solutions

Be absolutely clear that women have as much right to success as men. Keep on working and acting as smart you are. If you work in a corporation an ally or good mentoring relationship can help you through the maze Build mutually beneficial strategic relationships. Men need our business too.

FEARS AND ANXIETY ATTACKS

Are you afraid if you do? Afraid if you don’t? Are you concerned people will be jealous or angry if you are too successful? Are you afraid of what people think of you? Are you terrified when you have to introduce yourself or speak at a meeting?

Do you pretend to be what you think others want you to be? Do you sometimes avoid showing how smart you are, or offering a great idea, so others won’t be intimidated or uncomfortable with you? Do you allow others to lead when you know you are capable of leading? Do you agree to do things when you don’t want to, do you pretend something is ok when it’s not? And, do you sometimes just feel like a fake?

Some Solutions

Stop denying your power. You don’t serve anyone, most of all yourself by pretending to be less than all of who you are? Make a list of all your life successes, from when you were very young. Stay connected to those successes and keep adding to the list. Trust your instincts and listen to your own voice.

NEGATIVE ATTITUDES

The success you say you want, are you not sure you deserve it? Negative or self-limiting attitudes often arise from our personal histories. Each of us has to know there comes a time to move beyond our history. Maybe yours is now

Some Solutions

Get rid of the excuses Stop blaming yourself and stop blaming others. Stay connected to positive people and results. Get help learning to cope and stop “copping out”.

BAD HABITS

Are you unprepared, unorganized, or maybe compulsively over-prepared? Do you procrastinate, waste seemingly endless amounts of time? Do you forget appointments, lie about deadlines, and do you not return calls?

Some Solutions

If necessary get help getting organized. Have someone help you create structures and systems that will keep you on track. It’s important to work smart and act smart.

SELF-ESTEEM

Do you think you’re not as good, not as smart, not as talented as whomever? Do you feel you’re not enough? Are you always apologizing or overly grateful? Do exaggerate and act important so others will be impressed? Do you worry about what others think of you?

Some Solutions

Make a list of the negative voices that stop you and prepare standard comments to reply to their negative comments. Never say anything negative about yourself again…ever What you are at this moment is fine for this moment Stay connected to all and any of your life accomplishments.

WISHFUL THINKING…THE SCARLET O’HARA SYNDROME

I love this one. Are you like Scarlet O’Hara when she said to Rhett Butler: “I’ll think about Tomorrow.” Well tomorrow you’ll have both today and tomorrow’s things to do. or, do you think the universe will somehow magically provide for you, if you ignore something, or that it will take care of its self?

Some Solutions

Don’t deny what’s happening in your business and profession life. Make a list of what you need to do each and every day and do it. Don’t wait for someone else to save you. Have faith, especially in yourself, and take action Sometimes you need to take massive action.

DEALING WITH CRISES

What do you do to prevent them? Business, professional, financial, even emotional? Any business crisis can stop us in our tracks. Being prepared means there’s a good chance you won’t get paralyzed

Some Solutions

Have good relationships with advisors and respect their opinions while being personally accountable. Have a trusted friend, or business associate, to discuss challenges, opportunities, possibilities and problems. Of course when all else fails buy a box of chocolates

SUCCESS

This is the 12th business therapy session. Do you really want success? Are you concerned it will be too much responsibility? Ask yourself: do you act out of the best possibilities? Are you willing to do everything that is required for you to be a success?

Some Solutions

Have clarity of your vision of success for now and the future. Make a plan of action and then take the right actions to achieve it. Create a strong portfolio of opportunities, resources and choices. Give up being polite and passive when you should be powerful. Know that there are times you need to give up being right in order to win.

Be willing to invest in your success in every way possible. I mean financially, emotionally and practically…with your time and energy and expertise and talent. Invest in your success with your knowledge and wisdom.

So be honest about your MindBlocks and RoadBlocks. And, when one of your symptoms appears ask yourself, what is this really about? What can I do to move beyond it. I believe most of you, most of us, know in our hearts that we would be living lives of denial and disappointment if we didn’t pursue whatever way we each define as our own success. Believe me, no one, especially me, has ever said it is easy.

The writer Gertrude Stein said, ‘let me listen to me and not to them.” I encourage you to listen to you.